


just like him

by urieskooki



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-03
Updated: 2016-02-03
Packaged: 2018-05-17 23:48:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5889865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/urieskooki/pseuds/urieskooki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It all happens too fast to completely comprehend: one second a razor sharp kagune is whizzing towards Yonebayashi, and the next Kuki is lying on the ground with a severe lack of legs.</p><p>And all he can think is, <i>it's just like when <b>he<b></b></b> died.<i></i></i> And then, <i> except he was loved.<i></i></i></p>
            </blockquote>





	just like him

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ShuubertTsukiyumyum](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShuubertTsukiyumyum/gifts).



> haaaa this isn't supposed to be shippy its all platonic mostly except urie is maybe a lil bit too fixated on shirazu's death but then again he's always jealous s o o o o
> 
> urie and saiko are best bros fight me *^*
> 
> and i blame you ellie this is all because of your aSK that made me cRY

Dying is nothing like Kuki expected. Rather than painful, it's more...  _ numb _ . Though that might have something to do with the adrenaline rushing through what remains of his lower half, successfully keeping the pain at bay.

He thinks he hears Yonebayashi crying, though it sounds like they're separated, as if Kuki's underwater and the most prominent sound is that fucking buzzing sound that just won't _piss_ _off_.

“Uriko...” Vaguely, Kuki feels a hand on the back of his head. It must be the only thing keeping him upright.

_ Isn't Yonebayashi right here?  _ He opens his eyes, and sees how crumpled her tiny face is, tears and snot streaming down her dirty cheeks. It's dripping on his face too. Not because he can feel it or anything, but because he can see them.

“Don't worry, Yone... Saiko.” Kuki calls her by her first name, because everyone else does anyway and he's fucking  _ dying,  _ and Yonebayashi takes too long (too much effort) to say and he shouldn't make this many excuses when he has this little time left and-

“You're gonna be fine, Uriko.” Saiko rubs her eyes with balled fists, tears smearing, before putting on a smile that they both know doesn't reach her eyes.

_ Just like when he died, huh?  _

Really, Kuki can't help it, and he laughs even though it hurts and rattles in his chest.

_ Just like Shirazu. _

Except, Shirazu was loved. He was completely  _ adored  _ by those he knew because he was  _ likeable  _ and Kuki... isn't.

His death was one that resonated throughout the office, people Kuki had no idea even  _ knew  _ Shirazu dropped by to say their fucking farewell. Thanks for being such a great fucking friend when I needed it.

If there was one thing he was, it was a great friend. An ear to listen, a shoulder to lean on (cry on more likely), a mouth to spit words of advice, a hand to hold in your damn time of need. If there's a kind of support you can name, Shirazu had it sorted.

And Kuki... Kuki's the arrogant martyr of an Investigator that's  _ so talented _ but it's a goddamn waste and Kuki knows that perfectly fucking well! He  _ knows _ someone else could've used his skills better. Could've saved their teammates, could've brought out their potential so much more, could've at least been  _ likeable.  _ Could've at least made  _ friends  _ instead of acquaintances who talk shit behind their back and pretend they don’t.

Even in his last moments, he's  _ bitter _ . He's jealous of everything everyone else has when he's clearly more cut out for this line of work so  _ why _ is he the one dying?

Easy.

Weakness in the disguise of strength.

There was only so much he could do to stop Yonebayashi getting killed.

“Saiko...” He opens his eyes again (when did he even close them?), squeezing her hand with his own bare one (or he thinks he does, at least).

“Yes?” She asks, face struggling to stay cheerful.

“You're... family.” He coughs, pretty sure it's blood not spit that dribbles out of his mouth, “You're family to me.”

She breaks into a fresh set of sobs, leaning in to bury her face in his bloodied shirt. “Don't go saying all that stuff now 'cause you'll feel really stupid when you wake up in hospital after this.” 

_ Don't be stupid, Yonebayashi, we both know I won't. _

_ I don't have goddamn legs for Christ's sake. _

“I don't have siblings.” Kuki inhales, breath rattling, “You're the closest I'll ever get to one.”

(When did he close his eyes again?) He tries to open them and he never shut them in the first place.  _ Ah, sight's gone. _

“You're fine! You're fine!” Saiko laughs even though her voice is thick. She keeps repeating the words though they seem to be getting further and further away. Though the annoying buzz is receding too.

_ She's afraid to be alone...  _ He realises with a sickened jolt, teeth gritting.

“Do you remember when Shirazu died?” He asks to silence, “And he asked why we were silent?”

He's prisoner to his own body, trapped in this completely numb shell, unable to see or do anything but talk.

“I guess... I guess this is what he meant when he said we weren't saying a damn thing.” He chuckles again, certain he's crying but unable to feel the tears tracking down the sides of his face.

_ Saiko is afraid for me to die, because when I go, she's alone.  _

So it isn't like she's worried about  _ him  _ in particular. She's worried what will happen depending on what happens  _ to  _ him.

_ I guess I'm finally all alone. Just like I thought I wanted. _

Kuki can't stop laughing, blood pooling in his mouth but he can't taste it so what does it matter?

He wonders who'll attend his funeral.

Kuroiwa? Why would he?

Mado? For the sake of appearances. It is her fault he's even here, after all.

Saiko? Probably.

Haise? Definitely not.

The rest of his current squad? Dead.

Shirazu? Dead.

His father? Dead.

His mother? Well, maybe she would if she bothered enough to find out where he even was.

The list of people seems very small.

Matsuri? Yes, for appearances. To show he “cares so much” about the CCG's pets.

Kuki can't think of anyone else. His mind is too blank at the moment to do anything.

_ Will they remember me? Or will I just be another nameless CCG casualty (experiment)? Will Aogiri take my body too? Maybe at least then... At least then I'll be where Ginshi is... _

It's getting blanker by the second.

What's left of his vision is red like blood, he thinks, slowly darkening as he feels the edges of his consciousness fading, slipping, life ebbing.

Black.

White.

_ Just like he did. _

 

* * *

 

Urie's funeral isn't big, but it still feels grand all the same. Saiko's the only one left of the original Quinx- and the successor squad too. She can't help but feel like this should be her funeral.

_ He wouldn't have died if I had just looked out more. _

_ He shouldn't be dead. _

Takeomi finds her halfway through the burial and hugs her, tight enough that she can barely breath but she's thankful for the comfort.

“I am... sorry for your loss, Saiko.”

She pats his back, feet so far off the floor. When he puts her down, she's swept up quickly by Akira, holding her close.

“Let it out, Yonebayashi.” She's crying too, big tear tracks in her makeup.  “He was so pissy but... I'll miss him.” Akira chokes a little, “Just as much as I miss Shirazu.”

Just as much as Akira will miss everyone else she's lost over the years.

Laughing a little through the thick tears spilling down her cheeks, Saiko pulls back, “I bet right now he's telling us not to get so emotional over him.”

The empty casket hits the ground, and everyone waits for Saiko and Urie's mother to throw their roses down.

_ Family first. _

Before she drops her handful of soil on the sleek, black varnished,  _ cold _ box, she picks up another rose and slides an old, tarnished, beaten up ring with a skull on it onto the stem and drops it on top of the rest. There aren't enough on there to mask the startlingly loud noise it makes when it hits the lid.

“Even if you're not there, Shiragin is waiting for you.” 

Or he's with a pile of clothes and a photo that they're all pretending is a body.

She drops the handful of dirt and gently rubs her hands together to remove the last of the clinging remnants sticking to her palms. Then she pulls the collar of her coat up and turns on her heel, not looking back as people line up to do their part.

Saiko is reminded how lonely she is when she gets back to the Chateau, empty and cold without Urie to fill the space everyone else left.

He tried his best to take their place.

Nobody knew that either.

Nobody knew of the nights they spent watching a television screen as they both tried to ignore how much space the living room seemed to have in excess without the six other bodies that should have been occupying it.

Five dead. One no longer willing to give them the time of day.

Saiko sits on Urie's bed and looks around, eyes landing on a covered canvas in the corner surrounded by clean, clean brushes and even cleaner palettes, tightly closed tubes of paint stacked neatly in a box nearby.

She stands again, and makes her way over to it, lifting the cloth and dropping it to the dusty floor with a soft gasp.

The harsh sound of her sobs fill the house as she takes in the delicate brushwork.

_ He really did care about all of us,  _ she touches the dry paint with a tear-damp fingertip.

It's a family portrait, copied from the few photos taken of the respective groups. He had combined them so the whole family was there, Shirazu standing beside Urie with a scowl on his face, Aura lurking at the back.

Seven people that should be here, yet only one is.

Saiko hangs it in her own room amongst all the things Urie hated and goes to sleep watching it. It surprises her a little when she doesn't cry like she did when Shirazu died. Or Mutsuki died. The hurt of losing someone so close to her seems to have distanced itself since she left the graveyard.

She sleeps in a too-empty house with a painting full of ghosts keeping her company, and she doesn't cry again when she wakes up again. Not once.

Though she doesn't really laugh all that much afterwards either.

**Author's Note:**

> lmao that's it folks. feedback is appreciated and i hoped you liked reading this as much as i liked writing it (as in i cried a lot bc i cry over anything so thats to be expected). the point is that even in death urie had his inferiority complex messing w/ him and didnt realise how much he was loved okay. i'm sorry for making saiko sad btw she doesn't deserve that


End file.
